


My Heart

by StopLookingHere



Series: Fifty Two Levihan Fanfictions in Fifty Two Weeks [6]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alcohol, F/M, Gender-Neutral Hange Zoë, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, hange is smol and sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-09
Updated: 2016-02-09
Packaged: 2018-05-19 07:27:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5958822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StopLookingHere/pseuds/StopLookingHere
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>6/52: Finding something that has been lost.<br/>It's the little things that bother them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Heart

**Author's Note:**

> If you've read the Chapter 78 translations like I have and progressively lost your marbles over the events in said chapter, you know why this was written in the way it was.
> 
> Writing like this... I quietly imagine being on a tightrope.

The Scientist was halfway through their research, and having finally reached a stalemate, their mind began to wander. Upon the wanderings of the mind of a Scientist quite deprived of all basic needs including but not limited to sleep and food, the Scientist slowly came to realize they had lost something.

They had not lost something that was physical but rather something immaterial, something they did not know how to scientifically explain but knew deep in their being was almost true. Their logical side questioned this loss, a lingering feeling of doubt that came with the very core of science: to question everything. Yet, the Scientist was quite content with their rather abrupt conclusion, for they had copious evidence despite a lack of hypothesis.

Signs of evidence had first begun to show themselves when they returned home from the expedition approximately three months ago. The signs were obvious at first, for a lack of human activity was one of the most “felt” feelings among the Survey Corps headquarters. It was only later that the truly useful evidence came to light, through the ideas that certain people should be doing certain things in the lab, yet these things did not get done because they simply were not there to do them anymore. Preparing a perfect temperature water bath and maintaining that temperature even without a mercury thermometer on hand was one of their lab hand’s special tricks before the expedition. Now, the Scientist had to make do with a lab hand who oftentimes ruined samples based on their simple inability to maintain water temperature.

“I’m going to take a breath of fresh air,” the Scientist mentioned to one of their lab hands on the way out. The Scientist wandered around the halls of the headquarters, not quite sure of their destination yet solid on their goal. They wound up in a barracks primarily composed of younger people, the 104th trainees, probably. The Scientist approached a serious-faced Mikasa, her gray eyes never wavering.

The Scientist asked Mikasa many questions, varying from topic to topic and never along a clear line of thinking. To any person whom first met the Scientist, they would think that this method was odd and altogether too eccentric to provide reliable data. Yet, the Scientist’s test subjects knew them well, so they complied with their eccentricity and even encouraged it.

“You’ve lost something? Well, I’ll be frank and say it’s your motivation. Your drive for life, so to say,” Mikasa answered the Scientist’s final question with. “Kind of like I have protecting Eren, and Eren has protecting humanity, and Sasha has for food. It’s very possible to exhaust that drive, though.”

The Scientist thanked Mikasa, moving onto another person in the room, this time a blonde haired boy who seemed absorbed in a book.

“Oh, sorry Hange, I didn’t see you at first. What do you need?” He asks, setting his book down. The Scientist asks their question once more, and the blonde boy ponders it for a moment. “Yes, I think Mikasa’s right when she says you’ve lost your drive. Was that triggered by the loss of your comrades? I’d think so. Is there anyone left from that time who you can connect with?”

The Scientist frowns. “Maybe Heichou,” the blonde suggests. The Scientist laughs, brushing their suggestion off immediately. They do not take the suggestion into scant consideration until the wee hours of the night, when even the crickets have stopped chirping and the world is deaf to all life.

This time the Scientist wanders with a purpose, their feet not taking them left to the barracks but right to the individual rooms much like theirs, pausing at the door before knocking. A bored voice from inside tells them to come in.

The owner of the voice raises an eyebrow when they see the Scientist quietly shut the door.

“Hange,” they sound only mildly curious. “What are you doing here at this time of night?”

They paused. “Levi, I… I don’t know. I came here for company, I guess. Maybe a drink or two.”

Levi frowned at the Scientist, crossing the room and digging in his tea cupboard, extracting a tall bottle from the back. He takes two glass cups and sets them out, pouring the amber liquid from within the bottle out and offering the half-filled glass to the Scientist. He beckons for them to sit down at the table next to his window, set for two.

“Alcohol is a product of a material breaking down,” the Scientist notes before taking a long draught from the glass, wincing as the liquid inside burned their throat. They examine the provider of the drinks, noticing darker than usual circles under their gray eyes and a slightly overgrown haircut in the back. “Clearly, I’m alcohol.”

“Talk to me, Hange. You look like you’re taking a painful shit when you drink.”

The Scientist didn’t respond at first and instead took another long drink from their glass, emptying it and pouring more. “I discovered today in the lab that I am missing something vitally important to my existence.”

He watches them, his eyes never leaving their face. “And?”

“I discovered that I’m missing my heart again,” they admit. “It feels like there is this gaping hole in the middle of my chest. I’m losing what it means to feel alive anymore.”

Levi sets down his glass to refill it, having taken shorter sips from it. “Was it Mike and Petra?”

Briny water spills down the Scientist’s face. “Yes, and that one girl who was so good at the water baths. Half my lab is missing, Levi.”

“I have a hypothesis,” he announces softly.

“Then hypothesize,” they prompt.

Levi stands up, crossing to their side of the table. He takes their chin with his fingers, angling their head up to see well. “I hypothesize that everyone is gone because they have realized just how filthy their head of lab is.”

The Scientist watches him, feeling his whiskey-scented breath wash over their face. “When did you stop sleeping soundly?”

He looks conflicted. “When I realized you weren’t yourself anymore,” he admits.

“Are you trying to kiss me?” The scientist asks, meeting his eye. “I hypothesize that your kissing face looks as if you’ve just taken the best shit of your life, and-“

The Scientist never quite gets to see Levi’s kissing face, for before they can finish their sentence the soft lips belonging to that face are on theirs. His mouth tastes like the alcohol they’re sharing and he moves a little clumsily, as if he hasn’t done this before or at least in a very long time.

When they break apart, the Scientist observes that her lips tingle. He returns back to his seat somewhat awkwardly, pouring himself a new glass hastily.

“I daresay your hypothesis is false… yet, I believe we can derive another hypothesis from this experiment,” the Scientist remarks.

“And that is?” Levi asks.

“I hypothesize that closeness allows one to find their heart once again easier,” the Scientist tells him. He nods in agreement.

“And I,” Hange Zoe continues. “I am so glad that in this world with undefined boundaries that there is an individual that is willing to be close enough to me whom allows me to find that lost concept so easily.”

 


End file.
